A guy who looked like a meth addict sat behind me on the bus and talked at me today.
He kept calling me 'Princess' and oh god, he was just so creepy.
And now i'm all anxious and paranoid.
Fucking mentalists.

so, another fast today. yay.... not really. i weighed myself this morning and i was 103.6 and i just weighed myself not too long ago and i was 104.8. i hope it's just water weight. i always drink TONS a day. and i drank a can of soda before i weighed. i'm about to do TONS of exercise. as much as i can do before passin out on the floor. if i don't weigh less tomorrow, then i'm gonna pay. my legs are headin for a world of pain.

day one, successful. for the first time in so long i didn't break a fast!

most likely because i've got a bit of a cold.
and unfortunately all i could do was sleep. i hate days when i can't workout :(

but i'm going to take medicine tonight and hopefully feel well enough tomorrow to run.

i can see the light at the end of the tunnel- i go home on thursday, i can totally keep the fast going until then!

sweet dreams girls xx

Hi there,

I'm going to jump right in. This is really perplexing. I am a strong Catholic and I am very involved in my chuch. I wasn't always. I went astray for quite awhile, but a few years ago I went back and am at church just about every day now. About 2 years ago, I had gone into the office to get a cross blessed and I met him. His name is "Edward", he is the vicar to my church and is very young. At the time we couldn't have been interested in each other, mainly because we were thinking of other things.
( Read more... )

I don't want to spam the boards with my never ending vents. So I'll be updating this. Adding to it.

I'm scared and it hurts
to think the closest thing
I'll find to fireworks
is in the sky

She'd do anything to take back the words
Your opinion means the world to her
She wants you to understand
It's not the way it seems

Numb was feeling normal
But you had to go and save her
She was lifted up again
High enough to touch the clouds
Where none of it mattered
Then you left her
Shoved her back into her reality
Her reality of feeling the pain

She can't take anymore
No more let downs

She's a broken girl
And she's ready to fall apart
Unfixable pieces
Let them fall.
Crushed.
Smashed.

She felt so important
Do you know what it's like to feel like something?
Worthy?
Sure you do.
But do you know what it's like to feel like nothing?
Always.
And then feel like everything.
yeah.
Then nothing again.
Worthless again.
Not numb.
She wants to die.

Broken only on the inside.
Can't stay strong to anything.
Can't destroy herself properly.
Can't self destruct fast enough.
It hurts, but not enough
And not in the right way.

Just when she thinks shes strong enough
She's reminded of the pain
Of each stab
and each regret
each hurt and heartbreak
each let down
each time she was lifted up
and dropped.

It burns.
That's what you wanted, isn't it?
Stupid girl.
She doesn't know what she wants.
She wants you.

Whats wrong with her?
Why is she so easy to get over?
You think she's amazing at first.
You say you love her.
She believes it.
You don't.

lion_lamb
Can a movie based on a novel ever be as good as the book? That's the big question for Twilight fans this week, and a sure topic of discussion on this community devoted to all things Bella and Edward.

geocaching
Have a hankering for a high-tech treasure hunt? After you take your GPS for a walk in the woods in search of the latest geocache (i.e. hidden container), you can share your find, get tech tips, and discuss the sport at this geocaching community.

topmodel
Have we really reached the end of another ANTM cycle? The finalist of Cycle 11 is announced on Wednesday, so expect some fierce discussion and model partisanship at this top Top Model community.

Welcome to a Very Special Edition of LJ News.

Moving Day and What It Means for You

Moving What Where?

The long-awaited server move takes place this Tuesday, November 18, at 8:00 a.m. PST. We're moving the site from servers based in San Francisco to the servers in our new data center in Montana. A massive data move like this takes a lot of heavy lifting, and to haul all that data from San Francisco to Montana, we have to take the site down, starting at 8:00 a.m. PST on Tuesday morning. We don't think the move will take more than four hours, but there's always the possibility that it could take longer (the best laid plans and all).

What Does This Mean for You?

During the downtime, nothing on LJ will be available—no posting, no Friends page, no LJ mail, nada. When we bring the site back up, we're going to ease into it rather than open up a floodgate of traffic. Posting might not be immediately available or the site could be slow to load for a while.

New servers mean new IP addresses, so it's possible that LJ mail might not reach your email inbox because your email provider or client doesn't recognize the new IP addresses. We're working with email providers to whitelist the new IPs. There are a few things you can do on your end:

• Add these two IP addresses to your "allowed senders" list (or whitelist) and address book in your email client: 208.93.0.18 and 208.93.0.50. These are the new IPs for sending comments notifications and LJ mail to your email inbox.


• Add lj_notify@livejournal.com and webmaster@livejournal.com to your email address book.

If you can't edit the spam or junk filters in your email client, you may need to disable them entirely. Make these changes just before 8:00 a.m. PST on Tuesday morning or shortly after the site comes back up to ensure that your LJ mail makes it to your inbox.

Those of you who use domain aliasing to forward your domain to your LiveJournal will need to create a CNAME record that maps to livejournal.com. Please note that we're no longer supporting the A record. For more information, check the domain forwarding FAQ.

Before the move, you can check lj_maintenance for complete details about the planned downtime. During the move, you can check status.livejournal.org for updates about the site's status.

Permanent Account Sale Delayed

We regret to inform you that due to the server move, the Permanent Account sale has been pushed back to December 4, rather than November 20 as announced in the last news post. After the virtual dust has settled from the move, we'll be able to turn our attention to the Permanent Account sale. Except for the start date, the details remain the same: You have a limited opportunity to purchase LJ for life for only $175. It's a bummer to delay the sale, but on the bright side, you have more time to save up.

But What About A La Carte Userpics?

We know we promised more information about a la carte userpics, and we're sorry that details have not been forthcoming (blame it on the move). We're still planning on having a la carte userpics, but we don’t have any details yet. When the move is over, we'll have more information. We're sorry for the delay.

hey ya'll.
I've just made a community and if you think it relates to you, please come join. Much of my depression, despite genetics is thought to relate back to something researchers are just beginning to look into. Its called Complicated Grief. According to the National Cancer Institute, "Complicated grief is identified by the extended length of time of the symptoms, the interference caused by the symptoms, or by the intensity of the symptoms (for example, intense suicidal thoughts or acts).

Complicated or unresolved grief may appear as a complete absence of grief and mourning, an ongoing inability to experience normal grief reactions, delayed grief, conflicted grief, or chronic grief. " (http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/supportivecare/bereavement/Patient/page8 ). For more information on what complicated grief is you can also visit the mayoclinic website at: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/complicated-grief/DS01023

I’m trying to create a community to help those like me, perhaps get through this.

If you’d like to stop by and visit, or even better, join the link is:
http://community.livejournal.com/complexdepressi/

For those of you who don't know, there are fires all around Southern California...very stressful. Many People are displaced. The one closest to us is still only 5% contained after two days...and it's very smokey all over Orange/LA Counties, my eyes keep watering constantly.

( I dont' mean to sound like I'm advertising here.... )

I'm a college student on the brink of breaking down .. oh wait I think I already have. Anyways I'm pretty lost, I though the course I'm in was what I wanted, but I'm beginning to realize that maybe it's not. Fish and Wildlife is a science, and I'm no scientist, curious maybe but not a scientist. I'm more of a philosopher, an artist, a dreamer and idealist. So where do I go from here? The term is almost done. Do I continue? I'm not sure and I'm really scared cause I have no direction. What can I do? Run back home and hide under the covers? I wish. So instead I've tried researching other careers, doing quizzes and looking up other course offered at the school. But so far no luck, and I've become obsessed. I want a direction, I want to go somewhere. Tick tock, tick tock is all that echoes inside my head. I need answers. Like I love nature, being outdoors but every nature based career I look into just depresses me further. Im no scientist I feel like screaming. I hate technical reports, I hate math, I hate supressing my creative spark and I hate feeling incompetent. I want to make a difference. But how? Maybe an out door guide? No, I suck at speaking in front of people and I have a tendency to get lost, even with a compass. So then I tried investigating a career as a naturalist. But im not even sure if it's even a career. Grr. I know im over analyzing but I feel so lost. Please help.

Am i the only one who think that the LJ-Cut is so complicated?
i can't figure out how it work.
Ugh

I don't know who to be mad at or what to be mad for. My life has changed tremendously the past few weeks socially. On facebook my friend Valentina sent out a letter to me, Kristin, Raff, Olivia, Cassandra, David and Zoey. (Names have been changed btw.) We'll be going to a french book fair at 1:00PM and I am invited for that, but they're all meeting up for pizza before that. She didn't use my name, but I'm not quite sure if I should go or not because why would she talk about it in front of me if I'm not supposed to come? I always feel like I'm inviting myself, but they wouldn't know half the people if it weren't for me. I'm not saying they can't become friends, I'm just thinking she might be taking them for granted.
Help?

 Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Niki

i was so so sick yesterday. I couldn't keep anything down and couldn't leave the bathroom--gross, i know, but i must have lost five pounds. i can litteraly SEE the difference. crazy.
anyway, all i could do was drink water, and eat a bit of soup and hot oatmeal (reduced sugar of course).
again, it's gross, so sorry, but i totally see how laxatives work now.

anyway, i'm feeling better today and looking better :)
just thought i'd share that one rough day like that is almost (if not totally) worth results.

Wow! so second day i fasted! i can't believe i even made it! but, i am disapointed. i weighed myself much earlier tonight and it was 104, almost 103. but i weighed myself about 30-45 minutes ago and it said 106!!!!! omfg!!!! i'm hoping that i'm just retaining water or something. i drank TONS earier, and barely even went to the bathroom. went before i weighed, but not much. i'm just hoping that's it. i'm so empty that i can't have possible GAINED any! .... right?.... =// well way earlier than that i ran for 30 minutes. that was all i could do tonight, i'm so weak. and i'm STILL sick. it sucks. but just from what that scale said, i'm probably gonna do some more. god, my WHOLE BODY is in pain right now. i love it becaus it means i'm getting thinner, but still, it sux. small price to pay though! SO worth it! i hope i can keep this up and make it through tomorrow!!!! =]]

hope everyone else is doing well!!

i just wahnt to curl up ino a ball and shrink and shrivel away to nothing

my friend. wow. why the hell do i still call her my friend? shes ridiculous. in a bad way. today she was being so incredibly rude. it only happened in the span of 10 seconds, but regardless. bitchy.
i was online, and all of a sudden, a group convo comes up with me, her and my other friend.
then she starts talking as if i wasn't even there. she goes: 
"hey emma, should I tell her? or would she just laugh her ass off?"
like i mean honestly. so i go.. WTF?
then shes like, wahts the point of this conversation, oops my bad!
seriously. what is her problem. out of everyone, we've been best friends the longest and she can't even tell me? what, does she think i'm going to tell people? if she tells me i cant tell anyone then i wont. i'm not fucking stupid, or a jerk. on the other hand. if you dont tell me i cant tell people, then what the fuck do you expect? christ. shes unbelievable. i just wish i could cast her off and never see her again.
my days have always been better without her anyway.